this is how I get the ladies into bed, I show them my bobble head collection


What will probably happen when I leave the Wizarding World of Harry Potter:

Mom: Time to go home.
Me: I’m not going home. Not really. *looks back at Hogwarts*




Based on a true story

Uterus, you need therapy.

I love that this entire imagery involves being in an intimate relationship, with yourself.



A Seeing Eye Dog on his first day

he knows he’s gonna do such a good job

Starkid making fun of Darren being in Glee. 



I’ve put together a simple chart that explains the various ways you should and shouldn’t summon a waiter over to your table, and the service you’re likely to receive accordingly.

Because if one more middle aged, obnoxious asshole goes “hey you!” and snaps their fingers at me, I WILL snap said person’s neck.

I waitressed my way through college and one night this guy yells at me “Oi! you with the tits!” and my co-worker Matthew walked up to him and said “yes?”


the legacy of salazar slytherin


A friend of mine just messaged me saying “I fucked up. I was doing math with my son, and I told him to ‘hold up eleven fingers’ and he started to panic and I didn’t realize why until he screamed ‘MOM…MOM I ONLY HAVE TEN”

I’m still really upset and angry. He did it once, the camera happened to be on him, he did it once and I think it’s the funniest joke that’s ever been on our show. - Michael Schur (x)